Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas carol.

I was going to say that all i wanted for christmas is you, but you already know that. And at the same time i know that just because i need you doesnt mean you need me. And i am not ready to move on, and nothing has hurt this bad, and its not ever going to get any fucking better... But i love you. I love you obsessively and compulsary to the point that i still cry every fucking night i have to go to sleep holding a tattered yellow blanket instead of your hand... i love you beyond the point i ever thought i could ever love someone and i knew from the moment i saw you that i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life...i loved you so much that i had to have you in every way, even knowing i wouldnt be good for you, that i didnt deserve you... i loved being with you that i dropped all my emotional barriers, all my insecuirties...but i couldnt stop my disease...until you showed me there was a reason to stop poisoning myself, and i would thank you for that if i still saw any beauty in this fucking shit world, or even a reason to still believe. I love you so much, that i am going to let your heart go so you can move on...i dont know if i can send this..because deep down i know i dont mean it, i know i cant fucking live through this again, and there will never be another you...but i cant think of anything else to do... But i'll know... That we always had the stars... And when i was with you, i held the universe in my hand. I love you, and whatever sin it is, i'll never stop loving you. Always and forever..past the rainbow and over the stars. Sweet dreemz, and merry christmas.


  1. I know the feeling. I'm going through something quite similar at this point in time, actually. It hurts, but it gets better. I promise.