Wednesday, August 31, 2011


what will happen, will i dream? i am too scared to close my eyes......

so what can i say of what i am and what can i do with what i have. what can i say that i have when i dont understand what i am? how can one person be so lost in another and so filled with eternal determination when theres no way it can besustained.

so what do i do now?
what do i do now?

do i get on my knees and beg for salvation?

do i accept defeat and disappear in shame?

do i just unveil my scars and display what ive done to myself?

do i fall into the spiraling downfall of my inner peace?

what am i?
where do i stand?

i cant bear this albatross around my neck. every note i hear, every flower i smell, every sunset i see, every feather i caress, and every drop of honey that graces my tongue....

its meaningless.

do i even belong? do i even...whatever...i dont know what to say..

and what will happen, will i dream? i am too scared to close my eyes....for a second, please hold me...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

pouring between my fingers

and i swear, ive been this way forever.

its not stopping, its never stopping...its never going to end and its never going to get any fucking better. its permanent, its the brightest deepest scar on any part of me.  and theres no fucking cure for this, i just want it to go away, why wont anyone fucking take it away.;.fucking HELP ME I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS.

i do not want this.
i want it to go away
just leave me be
youre not wanted
i cant take this
i cant take this.
i cant take this
i cant keep going on like this.

cant you fucking see...cant you fucking understand that i hate you...

please....dont leave me....i didnt mean sorry, forgive me, i need you to hold on come back, come back fucking right now, for the love of god..please..


i have no where to go inside....

dear angel...where are your broken wings tonight? its so cold inside, wont you hold me for a while...i feel alone and unalive...the night is frozen..these tears have burnt my eyes...dreams may pass and dreams may go...nothing at all will stay the same...nothing will ever stay

nothing will stay for you.

nothing will keep you if ou stay like this. i cant help it. thats why no one will help you.


when i was little i prayed to god..and thats when things went wrong...

hell taketh me
for this earthly shell needeth be cast aside.
your lord cant save me now.
your serpent has failed to sway my broken tides

and now i shall breathe deep...for there are times without souls, and the more i live on, i seem to piss mine away.

and even after all i've become, i hate myself for what i have done.

and guess what

//no you dont//

i think i feel better.

please excuse my cant understand how this feels. i just want it to stop.

its all a part of my steady systematic decline....i gave up, im covered with holes, i lost all control, and theres not one thing that ive ever seen thats given hope to this broken machine