the architect of my own undoing, i've wrapped the wreath of barbs so tightly and constructed a fortress around my inner being, the king of my impregnable castle walls. numb, callous, cold, calculating.
just like the old days, before i bled for the first time.
my heart is made of thorns, thorns growing as protection for me and for others...a layer of safety to deter the touch of others, or its own beating pulse. calm and still in my blackened guts.
it was my lack of faith that guarded me, the inability to see past the mortality of all things makes me play the numbers and avoid risks...without emotional investments, my focus could be more keen, albeit hardened.
flocks of admirers without heartfelt gestures, a constant stream of flirtations and sweet nothings to any that caught my interest..all in jest, mind you, never tasting the flesh, only the mind...and never letting them near my infected sore of a heart.
so it came as a surprise to see the mirror afore me and to hold it tightly and to feel its warmth emanating from inside...a fever running through my veins just as i flowed through the reflection staring back at me.
but its hand had tried to grab for my atrophied heart, gashes and blood would flow, and verse would follow.
as the visage aged across the pane of glass, i stepped through to the other side of the dusty mirror, like floating over a river of the damned, i saw the world from the other side of the looking glass... and then i saw she was bleeding still, and as was i...
past the walls of stone encasing it, the thorns had pierced mine own hands, and were stabbing out of my chest...
we cried together...naked, vulnerable, critical of one another...seeing through ourselves....
what i saw is what i feared.
i'm the worst thing to ever happen to me. i have sabotaged ever caring hand to grace my eyes...not to let anyone close, but they get close enough sometimes. i am constantly inflicting a slow demise.
my sanctuary was also my coffin.
the whole reason im like this is so no pain could come...but it seems...i failed...again.