I was going to say that all i wanted for christmas is you, but you already know that. And at the same time i know that just because i need you doesnt mean you need me. And i am not ready to move on, and nothing has hurt this bad, and its not ever going to get any fucking better... But i love you. I love you obsessively and compulsary to the point that i still cry every fucking night i have to go to sleep holding a tattered yellow blanket instead of your hand... i love you beyond the point i ever thought i could ever love someone and i knew from the moment i saw you that i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life...i loved you so much that i had to have you in every way, even knowing i wouldnt be good for you, that i didnt deserve you... i loved being with you that i dropped all my emotional barriers, all my insecuirties...but i couldnt stop my disease...until you showed me there was a reason to stop poisoning myself, and i would thank you for that if i still saw any beauty in this fucking shit world, or even a reason to still believe. I love you so much, that i am going to let your heart go so you can move on...i dont know if i can send this..because deep down i know i dont mean it, i know i cant fucking live through this again, and there will never be another you...but i cant think of anything else to do... But i'll know... That we always had the stars... And when i was with you, i held the universe in my hand. I love you, and whatever sin it is, i'll never stop loving you. Always and forever..past the rainbow and over the stars. Sweet dreemz, and merry christmas.
How sweet.
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling. I'm going through something quite similar at this point in time, actually. It hurts, but it gets better. I promise.
ReplyDelete